| Almost 18!! |
[Apr. 2nd, 2007|10:28 pm] |
I'm almost 18!!! yay! only 2 more hours. |
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| New Picture. |
[Nov. 27th, 2006|08:54 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | picture | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
Well here is some pictures. |
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| New Hair |
[Nov. 26th, 2006|05:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
My mom just cut my hair for me.. I'm not sure if I like it.. Its going to take a while to get use to.. I'm going to post some pictures of it tonight. |
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| Another Day Without Sleep! |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|08:19 pm] |
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| |  hyper | ] |
I can see that today will be another damn day without sleep. Maybe I'll go out for a walk around 4am, thats when its nice out. |
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| Worth The Wait? |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|12:15 pm] |
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Tomorrow my car is going to the junk yard, they are only going to give me $40 for my car. So with that money I'm going to get a piercing. I also got a nice corset off of e-bay today. I'm still waiting for my dread falls to come in, I hope its worth the wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2005|07:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Cure -- Just Like Heaven | ] |
Tom and I went to the drive in last night. We had a much needed talk well just stuff I had to get out. I got it out and cleared my mind, I feel so weight-less. I'm just happy. Some of the conversation hurt a lot like when he thought he already lost me and that we might break up soon. Well I'm sorry Tom, but you have not lost me, there's no chance that you will and no we arn't going to break up soon. I hate when we talk about break ups it makes me all paranoid and scared. I'm not anymore, theres just so much I figured out last night. Yeah the unknown is scary but an unknown future with Tom is so exciting. I know that he loves me; no question about it and he'd do anything for me. There's so much I can say but I've always known it and I'd go on forever about. I just feel so happy. I feel closer and like I'm more in love. Ever since what he did last night, theres no way that I can not trust him and theres no way that I think he'll leave me and that he don't love me. I think it was the most sweetest thing he's ever done. It made me cry, it made me fall in love all over; it made me remember why I fell in love with him.
My parents lied to me. The stayed in Wisconsion. So I came home at 1:30am thinking that they might be on there way home or something. I called 5 times and my mom answers I start yelling at her and ask her "where the hell she is?" she won't answer me.. She just asks me where I am so I tell her I am home. She tells me to go to bed and not wait up because they are in a hotel. I hang up all pissed off. Because I hate being home alone at night and they should have let me spend the night at Tom's house or something. But I'm going to be good and not do that. So Tom gives me my pills, puts me to bed around 1:45am. and he rubs my side and tells me he loves me, kisses me, and he's so close to me and I'm so in love with the sound of his voice. I tell him I love him and thank you, I really didn't want him to do that for me because I knew he was tired too and needed to get home and everything. So I kept trying to fall asleep but it was so hard I just wanted to cuddle with him and go to sleep and keep telling him that I love him; but I couldn't. He kept playing with my hair and my back and counting from 10-1 a lot of times to clear my head so I can fall asleep. It worked but as soon as he left I was up. I didn't go to sleep until 5am then I woke up at 8am because my parents called. I just realized last night when Tom was here doing all that, not wanting sex or anything just trying to help me go to sleep; I just noticed that he loves me so much and he cares for me so much. I am so happy with him nobody has ever loved me like that. It made me cry and smile so much. I just wish growing up I had a father like him, I know if I did I would have turned out so much better. I know he'll be great with our kids, he's a great person. I just know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I want to marry him. He makes me so happy. Tom if you ever see this I love you and thank you for taking care of me.
Getar15 [8:24 A.M.]: too much info
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:24 A.M.]: lol
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:24 A.M.]: sorry
Getar15 [8:24 A.M.]: its ok
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:24 A.M.]: then we went to my house and i was scared to be home alone at night it was like 1:37am
Getar15 [8:25 A.M.]: lol
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:25 A.M.]: so he tucked me in turned on my fan rubbed my tummy and back and counted in a sweet voice from 10 to 1 a lot so i'd fall a sleep it worked but i woke up after he left
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:26 A.M.]: he also kissed my head and told me he loves me
Getar15 [8:28 A.M.]: sounds like a really nice guy
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:28 A.M.]: yeah he is
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:28 A.M.]: i love him so much!
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:28 A.M.]: it made me cry to know that somebody loves me enough to do that
Getar15 [8:29 A.M.]: well its great isnt it
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:30 A.M.]: yes, I love it. It made me so happy I couldn't sleep.. I just knew I love him, and he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Bleed ByY0urSelf [8:33 A.M.]: I've never felt so happy before, and we are so open with everything and after talking to him last night, I just know we will be in love and we will be togeather for the rest of our lives. I seriously never felt this happy or this in love.
Getar15 [8:35 A.M.]: that is great |
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| New Pictures Of Tom And I |
[May. 21st, 2005|10:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Faith And The Muse | ] |
Last night I took some pictures of Tom and I. He's so beautiful. I'm getting so stressed out, living with my parents. My parents are going to my cusion Melissa's wedding. That reminds me that I need to start saving money for my wedding and start planning it. Yesterday was my utra-sound, we got there late and we forgot to have me drink 32 oz. I knew that would happen. So we stopped at a gas station got me something to drink then went to the hospital around 7:50 I wasn't full enough to do the utra-sound. She scanned a little bit then asked me if I was ever pregnant then She told me to go back to the waiting room drink more water and wait a half hour for it to go to my bladder. So It worked she got the pictures for the utra-sound and I have to call my doctor monday for the results. |
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| Out! |
[Apr. 29th, 2005|06:05 pm] |
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Yesterday I picked up Tom we went to Oberweis, the ice cream is so good there. I stayed at his house for a while but it was time for me to go home and he didn't want me to leave so I asked my mom if he could sleep over she said "yes" so he slept over and I had to take to him back todat at 9am; then I helped him clean the house. The birth control has already made me sick, but I'm kind of use to it. I've been having so much fun with Tom.. As of right now I'm really depressed again. And I'm having bad panic attacks. |
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| No Subject. |
[Apr. 23rd, 2005|04:59 pm] |
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This week has been long. Yesterday I got to see Tom, we really missed each other we had sex 3 times. We went to borders and I got a book. I'm going to try to get on SSI soon, once I get on that my mom will give me her trailer because its not worth a lot and its hard as hell to sell. So I'm happy about that. I went to the gyno last week, I got birth control! YAY! I went to my dad's house to visit my cat he called me names and screamed at me, and he wonders why I hate him and never see him. My car is getting what Jasmine calls "PIMPED OUT".. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2005|02:05 pm] |
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Well, today might be the last day I see Tom for a long time. I've written in here about Tom and I being homeless. I'm back living with my parents. His mom is mad at him so she dosn't really want to help him. Right now Tom's living at his grandfather's house. (his grandpa is dead, and his mom is trying to sell the house).. So he well be living in the house tonight. And tomorrow I have an appointment with the infertility specialist. After tomorrow Tom is going to live in a tent in his sister's back yard; also he needs to get a job and all that.. But there's a catch.. HE CAN'T SEE ME! So I told him to get all his shit together so he can be with me. We're talking about getting married really soon. We are going to put off having a child until he has a job . I'm just depressed that I can't see him... I hope this does not tear us apart.. His mom dosn't like me and does not want us to be together. |
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| Shitty Night. |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|10:54 am] |
I have an interview tomorrow at 8pm. I'm already getting worried about I have to make sure I have at lest 3 klonopin for tomorrow. I don't know how this whole job thing is going to work out, I have an appointment for therapy so I'll get over this anxiety thing. My psychologist does not want me to work because of my depression and all the stress I have right now. He wants me to try to get on SSI, he's been seeing me for 4 years and he thinks I'll never be ready to work. I want to work more then anything so I have to at lest try it out. I'm trying to see if I can get into Beauty School in June.
Last Night Tom and I drove around the town his mom lives in, we were looking for a house to rent. I think they will be too expensive because its a very wealthy town. There is some shitty apartments I seen, but I don't want to live in the "ghetto" again and worry about getting attacked when I leave my house or my cat getting killed because its black and "evil". Last night I was very depressed because I didn't know what to do about anything. |
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| Slipknot Concert. |
[Mar. 13th, 2005|04:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
Tom and I went to a slipknot concert last night! It was fucking awesome! Lamb Of God Was Great and so was Shadows Fall. I got us a little lost on the way there. As we got closer I got really anxious. We stood out side for a little while, it was so cold out! Everybody was head banging. There was a porn start there, she flashed everybody.. I also got beer spilled on me. The people in front of us were drunk/high as hell! The had 6 bottles of booze under their chairs. I smelled weed, the next thing I know the guy in front of us is handing us a joint and telling us to smoke it. So we did. Then the guy that was sitting next to Tom bought him a beer because we sold him our 2 extra tickets. The show was amazing! We spent 45 minutes looking for the car in the parking lot. It snowed so it made it a little bit harder. Once we got to Tom's house we lyed in bed and watched his Depeche Mode live disk, we cuddled a lot and kissed a little bit. He wanted to have sex but I was too scared to because I didn't want his mom to walk in on us.. I gave in twice. We lost the condom when he took it off. |
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| Damn It! |
[Mar. 7th, 2005|05:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
Yesterday I was in a bit of a bad mood. I was at my mom's house and Tom had my ex boyfriend Brent, his friend David and John over. I really don't like Brent; he worships Tom and wants to be like him. Brent will only talk to me/hang out with me if Tom's around.. Other then that Brent is an ass to me. So I didn't wnat to come home until Brent was gone. I guess they all were smoking up. Brent gave me a joint so I'd like him. I smoked later on that night. I was also happy to see that John bought me Newports. Right now I'm trying to plan out everything for the next year or so. Tom was suppose to come with me to my mom's today so he can set up his DeadJournal.. Right now I am reading "Holy Blood, Holy Grail." I really like the book. My thumb still hurts really bad. The other night I was feeding my cat Angelus Pizza, then he acted like he wanted to lick the oils from the pizza off my finger and he bit it; it was crazy he was trying toswallow my finger while chewing on it, my thumb reached the back of his mouth and I had to tear my finger out of his mouth. It bleed like crazy. I still have tons of comics to read!
I really hope Tom got the job at TGI Fridays. |
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| Concert. |
[Feb. 19th, 2005|07:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  curious | ] |
I'm so upset that I can not go to THE SISTERS OF MERCY concert. I just don't have the money to go.Tom and I blew $250 in 3 days without paying any of our bills.This impulse to go shopping is killing us. Him and I are trying to get on our meds so we can work and get on track. My problem is I'm always too high to function. I've been getting so high lately; it fees my mind and helps my creative-ness come out. I haven't cut my self in a few months, I remember back in september I lost it and cut my self all over, really bad. I carved a lot into my legs. This being an adult thing is so hard. Tom cut himself 3 weeks ago, very deep. He did it after we got into a fight. I almost left him and he had his car parked on the side of the street and he was going to kill him self. Two weeks back we had a lot of problems even the police came. We've been togeather for 14 months and now our life is getting on track. I want to go on vacation to South Carolina this summer and hang out with Chelsea she's grown up so much now, its almost like she's a new person. Tom wants to have a baby but I'm not ready for it yet... I'm going to be going back home soon hopefuly I'm going to get high and have fun. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|07:15 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  creative | ] |
We picked up Jasmine's boyfriend today. Ah we had to get up early; then we went to subway, I couldn't eat any of my food because of the medicine I'm on. We drove an hour to get there and got lost a few times. He also rolls his cigarettes like tom. We took a wrong turn on the high way and ended up in Chicago. We got to Tom's house and I kept trying to get my parents to let me sleep over at Tom's house. Tom and Steve are into vampirism, so Tom cut me and drank the blood, and Steve did the same with Jasmine. We watched Vampire Clan then they took me home. I guess after they took me home they bought red wine, and drank it all. |
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| Tom. |
[Jan. 11th, 2005|04:09 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | loved | ] |
Tom came over today, I was so happy to see him I missed him. He's the sweetest guy I ever dated. I got to kiss him a lot. I feel bad because I forgot to tell him that I love him before he left. So Tom I love you. He bit my neck, omg such a damn turn on it hurt a bit but I loved it. I was happy to jut be with him. It made me happy being with him. I just hope some of the events of today don't change anything. He's the only person I get along with. I miss him already! I He's there when I'm sad and everything! i love him! Today when I was with him I knew I was in love with him, I never felt like this with anybody else. I just don't want him to think I love him for sex or anything like that. |
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| happy almost like I'm high |
[Jan. 10th, 2005|10:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Depache Mode -- Personal Jesus | ] |
Today was probably one of the worst days of my life. I wanted to die, I cried, I felt compleatly hopeless. Then I just thought of Tom and how everything would be so much better once I talked to him, but then I didn't want to tell him what was going on because I didn't want him to be like "Oh I'm with some depressed bitch! I need to break up with her." Thats what all guys do is break up with me because I get depressed/moody. But I ended up calling him right after I got done crying then; I had to go and I got all sad and cried some more! I missed him a lot today! I love talking to him because he listens and I can trust him. I told him almost everything, I didn't say too much about 8th grade. But maybe I can.. |
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| dog bit oma. |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|11:49 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dope -- "Easier" | ] |
My oma and Opa came over today to give us some stuff; my Opa was making faces at the dog pissing her off. They seen that she was shaking and grewling and my Oma trys to pet the dogs face and the dog goes after her finger. Well she's bleeding and OMG, OMG! what a big deal. Now I'm to blame for it. You'd think that 60 year olds would know NOT to piss a dog off but I guess not. So I'm in trouble becuase the dog didn't get her shoots, I didn't put her away and she bit somebody.
I don't know whats going on with Mike and I he likes fucking around with my head. He knows I like him and I think he likes that because he can do whatever he wants or say whatever he wants. |
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| Hmm a funny convo. |
[Dec. 21st, 2004|01:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | My Ruin | ] |
ThePsychoofEP [1:10 P.M.]: hi
Bleed ByY0urSelf [1:10 P.M.]: hi
ThePsychoofEP [1:10 P.M.]: so whats going on?
ThePsychoofEP [1:11 P.M.]: im an asshole
ThePsychoofEP [1:11 P.M.]: :-(
Bleed ByY0urSelf [1:12 P.M.]: yeah
Bleed ByY0urSelf [1:12 P.M.]: all guys are
ThePsychoofEP [1:12 P.M.]: yup
ThePsychoofEP [1:13 P.M.]: i really didnt mean 4 nething of that shit 2 happen
ThePsychoofEP [1:13 P.M.]: im bitch that nigger out when she comes online
Bleed ByY0urSelf [1:13 P.M.]: hmmm..
ThePsychoofEP [1:14 P.M.]: if i could remember her number i would call her house right now and bitch her out
ThePsychoofEP [1:15 P.M.]: i hate myself 4 what happened
I find it kinda funny that he's saying all this to me when I'm not his girlfriend!! lol |
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